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Five Simple Rules to Make a Lasting Relationship

It is estimated that up to 60% of marriages will break-up. That is a very high attrition rate for relationships that have been built on love, trust and mutual interests. Is lasting love an illusion?  How do you make a lasting relationship that will survive the storms and bumps so that you can live together to old age?

One of the many reasons why many relationships are headed for the rocky times is that they are built on very unrealistic expectations. The cold hard reality is that human beings are flawed in one way or another. Not every relationship will be like a romantic Hollywood movie ending with smiles, happiness, and kisses and living happily ever after.

In a lasting relationship, both partners must be realistic. The relationship will be similar to other close relationship you have had including those with your parents, siblings and friends. It will have ups and downs, moments of sadness and moments of happiness but most importantly it will be an enduring one. At least that is what you will aspire to.

The bonds that you build with those closest to you can withstand virtually anything simply because they are strong.

The secret to building a strong lasting  relationship is establishing strong emotional bonds  which will make each of you an integral part of the other. This is not necessarily something new to you. You may have already experienced it with your parents, grandparents, siblings and closest friends. So why not with your lifetime partner? Here are some simple rules of the road to help make a lasting relationship .

Avoid More of the Same

It is very easy for a once passionate and exciting relationship to decline into routine, boredom and more of the same. Boredom is high on the list of relationship killers. Identify what makes your partner happy and prioritize those in the relationship.

There are many things that can turn your partner on, not just sexually, but also emotionally. Embrace positivity in the relationship and add an element of surprise once in a while. Thank them if they do something nice and make sure all these gestures are genuine and heartfelt and not just superficial gestures.

This approach is effective for a number of reasons. Firstly, you will learn how to push the right buttons to add some positivity and excitement in the relationship. Secondly, if you can solidify these into habits, you will have the potential for a most exciting long term lasting relationship.

Touch one another

Touch is a very important gesture in a relationship. When you touch someone, you stimulate the release of feel-good endorphins in both of you. Devise various ways to touch your partner.  For example, hold hands or brush their cheeks every morning when they wake up.

Do not blame your partner for everything that goes wrong in the relationship

This is always very tempting especially when you are angry or frustrated. If you are going through a hard time, it is important to reflect in order to determine whether you are contributing to the turmoil.

If you continually suggest your partner as the one who needs to make the adjustment then inevitably they will become defensive and friction will be the result. Consider and address your own flaws which may be destroying the relationship before you demand the same of your partner. Through self-reflection the optimism and positivity will increase in the relationship which will strengthen the bonds. Blame, on the other hand, will lead to a cycle of negativity ) that will continue to sour the relationship.

Get some relaxation

By developing a positive and happy disposition, you will inject the same into your relationship and it will be a lot easier for you to manage conflict. Look for things that make you happy such as yoga or a hobby that makes you feel relaxed and at ease. The good feelings that you develop indulging in these activities will be quite infectious and will lead to a happier partnership.

It is also important to self-love. Most relationship experts agree that self-love inevitably leads to loving and harmonious relationships. Spruce up your looks, consider your wardrobe and try stylish and fashionable clothes.

Learn to listen

Your relationship will inevitably get stronger when you master the ability to (speak less and listen more to your partner. Too much talk during arguments or little confrontations will in many cases lead to blame, insults and criticisms which create their own problems for the relationship. Your partner is unlikely to forget a particularly stinging statement that you use on them and they will keep bringing it up in the future.

Listening, on the other hand, hurts no one. You will always win if you take a measured, cautionary and rational approach during any confrontations. You will inevitably lose when you throw caution to the wind and let your emotions dictate the trajectory of a disagreement.

Frances Masters

Frances Masters is a BACP accredited psychotherapist with over 30,000 client hours of experience. Follow her @fusioncoachuk, or visit The Integrated Coaching Academy for details about up coming training.