The issue of trust and relationships always focuses on the question of whether the partners are faithful enough to one another. But trust within a relationship encompass much more. All relationships that people build are based on trust on the other person’s true intentions. Without trust, there would be no relationship at all.
There are various forms of mistrust which can severely strain relationships apart from the cheating partner. Mistrust can occur if a party in the relationships is dishonest and does not keep or follow through on promises. Mistrust does not always arise due to dishonesty. When you don’t believe that your partner has your best interests at heart, a lack of trust will quickly creep into the relationship. In this case, you may have a feeling that someone you love or trust does not hold the same feelings towards you and may someday abandon you or betray you.
How the bonds of trust are broken
Children are inherently trusting when they are born. But they begin losing that natural trust if they are repeatedly betrayed by people around them and are exposed to pain. This creates self-doubt in their minds and can develop into a deep aversion to getting hurt. For many people, a lack of trust is an avoidance of pain. When children go through these experiences early on in life, it can leave an imprint in their minds which they carry forward into their adulthood. It is this fractured trust which many people take into relationships.
However, lack of trust is not always a pre-existing condition. It can be actually created in the relationship when one partner is not living true to their promises and demonstrating their trust in the other partner through their actions. So when grappling with issues of trust in your relationship, it is also important to determine whether your mistrust was a pre-existing condition or something that developed in the relationship due to the actions of you or your partner.
There are many other causes of mistrust in relationships such as addiction and money issues. If your partner is not being transparent about their financial situation for example, then mistrust can set in. The question you are likely to ask is: “What else are they hiding?” Once you begin questioning your partner’s intentions and commitment, it can take significant effort to save the relationship.
If you are grappling with trust issues in your relationships, here are some of the best tips that you can use to build up the trust and put your relationship on a surer footing:
Communication is one of the most important factors in building trust between partners. Spend more time communicating about your problems instead of sitting on them and brooding. When it comes to communication, do it face to face. Don’t do it over emails or phone calls, but instead make it more personal and direct. Do not hold back when faced with relationship issues. When you have something to tell your partner, make sure you do it. Open communication in relationships opens the pathways for trust to develop on.
Have Some Empathy
Empathy is different to sympathy. It is one of the most important aspects when it comes to building trust in your relationships. Have some empathy and try to understand where your partner is coming from. Determine if the needs of your partner are being met and try to put yourself in their shoes. Building a relationship is a leap of faith and it is therefore important to approach issues in the relationship from the perspective of understanding. When you can empathize with your partner, it will be possible for you to build the emotional connections which will lead to increased trust in the relationship.
Foster some Growth in the Relationship
Growth is an important factor which powers trust in the relationship. Stagnant relationships often gravitate quickly into situations of mistrust. By creating various scenarios and situations in your relationship where you can do new things and create new memories together, it will not only give you more to talk about but it will be easier for you to predict the behavior of your partner thus develop more trust.
Try something new, go camping or simply embark on something that is outside your comfort zone. Don’t hold back on doing something that will inspire, encourage development or inflame your love and trust for each other, be it outside or even inside the bedroom.
Don’t Stress when the Boundaries of the Relationship are Tested
This is really crucial in building trust in the relationship. You cannot expect it to be smooth-sailing all the way. Without going through all those rocky terrains, it will be impossible to see how much strain the relationship can sustain before you reach your breaking point. That isn’t to say that you should go out of your way to create jealously just to see how your partner might react, just be aware that every relationship comes with its ups and downs, and that its totally natural. In many cases, a relationship will meander through a rocky path at some point, due to circumstances beyond your control. Life will create hard choices for you personally that will test your tolerance levels. These situations are great for gauging one another and will lead to a greater sense of understanding.
Do Not Keep Secrets
Trust needs openness. If you are planning on building a trusting relationship, you must plan not to keep secrets and be open from the get-go with your partner. Secrets erode relationships extremely fast, so it’s important to be honest and upfront about issues that arise together or individually. The best way to internalize these qualities is by assuming that all the “secrets” that you know will eventually come out. Keeping a secret also requires energy to keep it. When you keep secrets, you are simply overburdening yourself, which will become apparent to your partner very quickly.
Learn to Say No
You don’t have to say yes to everything your partner proposes. If you do not like something, simply say no. When you refuse to be subjugated and create a relationship based on equality, it will be easier for both of you, going forward. Don’t pander to the whim of your partner just to keep him/her happy, as it will set a precedent that will be a nightmare to maintain.
What have I missed? Are you in a trusting relationship and if so, where does that trust come from? Do you have trust issues with your partner or vice versa? Let me know in the comments and we can start a discussion…