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10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

Nobody can hurt me without my permission-Mahatma Ghandy

Are you trapped in an unhealthy relationship ?

We all wish to be in very healthy, productive and well-adjusted relationships. Sadly, not all relationships are crafted that way. Some are intrinsically unhealthy and will drag you down. It is important to spot the warning signs early on so that you can ship out and move on to more stable and healthier relationships that add value to your life. Here are ten warning signs that you should look out for:

1. Your personal growth is not flourishing in the relationship

An unhealthy relationship will not foster the flourishing of personal growth for all those involved. A good partner will boost and not stifle your personal growth in the relationship. Where you feel you have to sacrifice your personal growth for the survival of the relationship, then you are heading on the wrong path.

2. The relationship is draining the life out of you

If the relationship is draining the energy out of you and leaving you emotionally and mentally exhausted just to make it work, then you are in a unhealthy relationship. You are probably living with an emotional vampire who feels they have to drain the life out of you in order to survive.

3. Conflicts and arguments keep popping out of the blue

If your relationship is increasingly being defined by conflicts and arguments, then you may be reaching a tipping point in your tolerance for one another. This is a sign that your relationship could be on the rocks.

Arguments can be quite entrapping. If a partner is on a destructive path with endless arguments, then it might be necessary for you to pull back to allow the situation to cool down. Immersing  yourself into the arguments will take it from bad to really bad and possibly worse.

4. One partner has more power

One partner might have more power in the relationship due to number of reasons. For example they could wield financial power, be more emotionally manipulative or simply the domineering kind that must get their way. If you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship where your partner is wielding excessive power over you to the moment where they are limiting your individual freedoms, then that can be a very unhealthy relationship. This usually happens where the partner calls all the shots and you simply have to follow without question. If that sounds familiar, then you may need to re-evaluate the terms of the relationship.

5. The sex is off

Whilst relationships are not all about sex, it is usually a very integral and important component. If the passions and chemistry that once existed in the relationship are withering away, then your relationship is facing a potentially precarious situation where one partner may feel the need to look elsewhere.

6. They blame you for everything

If you find yourself in a relationship where your partner is blaming you for everything that went wrong in your lives, then you are in for a rough ride. Being with someone who does not take responsibility for their mistakes and who sees you as the source of all their misfortunes can be quite scary. It is an indicator that the relationship might not survive for long. If your partner sees you as an obstacle to their personal growth, they may want to get rid of the obstacles so as to make progress in their lives.

7. The negatives keep multiplying

Every relationship will go through rough patches, and if you if you are in an unhealthy relationship, then both of you will need to find ways of working things out so as to steer the relationship into a more positive terrain. An unhealthy relationship is always filled with negativity and these will continue to multiply. The negatives could be in the form of emotional abuse or emotional manipulation, more criticisms, put downs, manipulation, and lies. No one should treat you that way and never make an excuse for anyone who does. If the negatives are piling up in your relationship and keeping you unhappy, then you are trapped in an unhealthy relationship.

8. Your partner is getting increasingly possessive and jealous

Irrational jealousy and possessiveness is a sign of insecurity rather than love. This may be a sign that they need you to fill an emotional need or void and do not necessarily love you. It could be a sign that you are living with an emotional vampire who will drain the life out of you and drive you towards a nervous breakdown.

Watch out if your partner is getting suddenly possessive and more demanding of you. It could be a sign of a bad relationship that will sooner or later implode.

9. You are feeling worse

Are you feeling worse about yourself and also feeling less comfortable in the relationship? It could be a sign that you are in a relationship that is filling you with negativity. A healthy relationship should bring out the best in you.

In mature relationships, acceptance of one another’s strengths and weaknesses is the foundation. If your partner is making you feel inadequate, unworthy and constantly judging you, then your relationship is not based on maturity and you may need to make the decision to ship out in order to look for something that is more mature and fulfilling.

This will manifest itself in the form of constant criticisms and nitpicking on many mundane things from the way you walk to how you dress.

10. You are responsible for your partner’s happiness

If your partner relies on you 100% in order to get some emotional and mental balance in life, then you need to raise your antenna. They will blame you for everything that goes wrong because they are emotionally reliant on you. This could eventually lead to a poisoned relationship where the burden will be on you to make your partner happy and mentally balanced. It is a heavy burden to bear.

Frances Masters

Frances Masters is a BACP accredited psychotherapist with over 30,000 client hours of experience. Follow her @fusioncoachuk, or visit The Integrated Coaching Academy for details about up coming training.